Lived Experience Forum

[MDT]

Dear Hams

By now you would've realised that many of the concerns and beliefs you had about yourself in your early 20s were ill founded

By now you would also know that you are firmly I'm the pilots seat of your life

Last I wrote to you I said I knew you felt nervous about the week upcoming. Well here we are now my good friend Hams. You made it and you are at peace.

Stay on this path and be honest with your intentions with yourself and others you meet in life.

Your decision last night to leave your event early but then return tells me something about your thinking and your feeling. You see perhaps the wall that divides the two is being pegged down a few notches.

Good on you my friend. Tomorrow you have a 2nd stage interview for a role. Let's just see what happens.

The vine you have given off in the real world is working. Stay at peace with yourself my friend. It's all we have

- Your friend

[MDT]

Dear Hams

There are many things going on in your mind now.

Yesterday you had a bad afternoon because you were thinking of doing something you hadn't done in a long time. In the end you figured you were too depressed to do it. But I believe this was also because you were starting to see how such a negative mindset towards yourself is not reaping any benefit. What if I told you that the only way things will improve for you is if you were better to yourself. Not nicer or kinder - but better. 

Remember the two golden rules you made for yourself earlier this month - that you would contextualise everything that has happened up until this very time in your life. And that secondly, you would not go idle. 

By contextualising I mean remembering that once upon a time you were in hospital for your mental health. I know you weren't there long but the kength of the visit is not important. What is important is that you found yourself there. It was a rough time my Hams, and since then look where you are now. Always please remember to contextualise things. If you do not then you will find it hard not to spiral out of control. Be better to yourself - boost your gym attendance, keep being active, keep having variety in your days while also committing to things. This is what I mean by don't go idle. Focus on things you need to do. Make lists and act on them. Be open and be in tune with your intelligence. You are about to start studying again and this is a good thing because your mind will be engaged. You are at the ideal stage to do that. 

I know part of you is telling you that you must have a job - but as we know this attitude only got you so far. What you're now doing is working towards something that can become a job. So that ultimate goal hasn't changed. You were wasted in your old job. It gave you nothing. You were bored. You learned it in the first week. It was just tasks. No originality. No room for movement. And this my friend is what you ultimately must look for. So keep doing that. You wanted to start that the past few days but you've been distracted by things that come up and other commitments. You're also still beating yourself up about that job interview in Monday. Well my friend the horse bolted and ots done now. You can't change the past. But I also know how important to you this chance was - it was a great opportunity and if you don't get it then you will feel regret. But this happens. Learn what you need to from this experience and  focus on what's next. 

Its easier said than done I know but at some point it'll click that constantly renumerating about things reaps nothing other than it once sued to so why bother continuing into thay frame of mind?

It sucks to be young with wars and pandemics on at the moment I know. But imagine what hope lies beyond when such things are no more. 

You are firmly in control Hams. Back yourself. 

[tyme]

@MDT ! You've tugged my heartstrings there!

What an incredible and impressive introspection. 

It shows where you are now, where you want to be, as well as how to get there.

I would be so proud of myself if I was able to come up with something like that - so powerful!

Good on you @MDT ! 

[MDT]

Dear Hams

Its been a while. But in that time you've traversed a fair of territory. You've gone places physically - the other side of the city to meet a girl - and emotionally - you've struggled to reconcile the past with the present.

But my dear friend you must realise this - you're exactly where you need to be.

Keep on doing what you're doing and do not hesitate to put yourself out there and ask questions of people, experts and other knowledgeable people.

Continue with the study at your pace and embrace the struggle because I know that you will succeed once you understand it.

Schedule things n your calendar. Do you what you can and not because you must but because you can.

Pace is important

You are coming off meds and need regulate for that as well.

Lots is happening and you need some peace amongst the noise.

Find THAT peace inside you

[MDT]

Dear Hams

Well. It's been a while since I wrote to you last. Almost a month in fact to the day. 

The last month has provided you with ample time to focus on youself. You've secluded yourself from interaction (to some extent, but not completely) and you have been traversing the gorges and caverns of your soul. By shining a light into those parts of your Being you are finding convictions, abilities and beliefs that are lodged away. Mining through theses has given you a better understanding of yourself and perhaps most importantly - WHY - you do the things you do, think the things you think, and view yourself in the way you do. 

You've been to two weddings and though they were different - the core message was the same. Two people wanted to commit to one another. It is a beautiful thing to behold. Particularly in a world filled with such chaos and torment. There is a balance to be struck when it comes to viewing the entirety of the world and appreciating matrimony is exactly that. 

I know you used to see weddings with some level of discomfort... wondering about your own situation. But I learned on  the weekend that everyone is in different positions with regards to that. Lack of experience or knowledge of such matters is not a reason to look down on yourself nor is it a reason to think you HAVE to do SOMETHING. EVERYTHING must be done at YOUR own pace. No one elses. 

There is much to live for my friend. So keep trying. 

Keep navigating these storms knowing full well they are not permanent. They are only temporal. 

[MDT]

Hams

You must start to do more of the following:
Self compassion
contextualise your choices
Remember what you have been through
Stop regretting things
Learn to live WITH depression and anxiety and not IN SPITE of it
Write to yourself more
Focus on things you care about
Continue to have discipline
Continue to visualise success
Remember that in the end the rae is long and it is only with yourself

You need to remember you are still young and 28 sounds old, but only when you compare that to others your age.

You're on a the right track. Just don't stop. I know it is a slog at the moment and it feels overwhelming. But my friend, just keep on doing what you're doing. To stop now would be stupid. To stop now would be a justification of all that negative voice inside you.

Keep. On. Going.

You are loved and accepted by those close. Don't sell yourself short.