Lived Experience Forum

[MDT]

@flybluebird
thank you for your support

[MDT]

Dear Hams

I know yesterday you felt like you had made a mistake in leaving. You felt like you should go back. You felt like you should email your supervisor and say "I've actually decided to come back".

I know part of you still wants to. I know part of you desires this for reasons purely to do with safety and security. I know you want that camaraderie as well. I know you want the safety and dignity that comes with saying "I have this job".

But guess what?

That was the attitude you took in 2019 and you got a job. Less than a year later you wanted to leave. You stuck it out though and ended up leaving six months later. You did when the other people came knocking on the door - so you gladly accepted. You were happy to leave that place. You started your new role with optimism. But then you very soon had that optimism shut down when there wasn't work to be done and you were in peak lockdown. You remember how that morning you woke up in mid 2021 and you were getting upset about your life. Well, even then you were having the dignity of saying "I have a job" but it mattered not, you hated it. You were not fun to be speaking with or hanging out with Hams.

In November 2021 you took up that role you now have and even in your first week you felt that there were 2 or 3 things that were odd about this job. Well as time has progressed you have now realised and seen the truth - that this role is not for you my friend. Yes, the people and environment is a good place to work in. However, your job and the tasks with it ? Not so much. You suppressed that feeling in the initial weeks, only to appease the god that said "you must stay and do your part in this community/nation and contribute your earnings". What is the point of that when you KNOW you are capable of other things? These same things you have never trully explored.

Do not for a minute think that you will find this new course of action easy. It will probably challenge you in many ways. But isn't that what it is all about? Isn't it the case that you will find yourself going somewhere completely new and refreshing? So that you no longer find yourself in the mental gutter again?

You will miss these colleagues of yours I know. But it must ALWAYS be balanced out with the job itself.

Keep a sharp eye for opportunities, but also keep a sharp mind and don't beat yourself up when you are tired, highly erratic or similar.

Your interlocutor is always putting forward counter arguments to your current chosen course of action. This is just your overly cautious side playing up. It wants you to be safe and secure so that it can say it is right - it is motivated by fear and a lack of imagination.

Be better to yourself Hams

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https://youtu.be/T8ecsAI3FhY

..re 'season of change' @MDT ..

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nice @TAB

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very El Hamsarino @TAB

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thanks @MDT 

can still get it in shops lol I had it in 2005 ha ha played it to death lol

[MDT]

Dear Hams

I know how you feel right now. There's a lot on your mind. More questions than answers. A lot of the those questions start with the phrase - "what if". The imagination knows no bounds when you start asking yourself "What if". There are so many rabbit holes and so many tangential things to think about when you start going down those paths. 

It's kind of ironic in that its safety behaviour - rabbit holes and tangents can be comforting in one sense but then also damaging in another. There are many things you have done that you wish you did not do. There are many things that you have not done that you with you had done. But what does that matter? Why is this cause for concern? I know at a deeper level its because you feel you have not been "living" but have just been "surviving" or "existing" with no aim or direction in place. 

It's no wonder you are exhausted. YOu've pushed yourself a great deal these past few years. Covid has definitely not helped. Covid threw a spanner in the works in so many ways - in ways you only know now some 3 years later. 

It's hard being human Hams. Let alone, being yourself in a world of fakeness. 

I know you are hurting over your dating life. I know you are hurting over lack of experience and the feeling that you are missing out on things in your youth. But I believe if you dig down deep enough you will find resolve within you but also a renewed confidence. That may sound like a far way off, but give it time. Time is all you need to give these things. 

I daresay Hams that leaving this job this early on is the first step in improving your life. It feels uneasy and this is normal. But don't let this trick you into thinking you are not worthy of the things that make life worth living. You know what that is and you've endeavoured in the past to make sure you can put that into the world. 

Everyone's experience is different in this world Hams. Never forget that. 

Take time out to take inventory on things.

Meditate on it even. 

You're hurting I know. But allow yourself to heal. Then focus on what must come next

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I hope things get better for you @MDT

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thanks @TAB

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El Hams @MDT