New season  - New job. This is a fantastic opportunity for both me and my family. Both career wise for me but also in a starting point for new routines and boundaries.    New goals. (And a starting point to revisit existing goals).  - Further education and training. Cert III and Cert IV courses relevant to my new job. (Not a requirement but beneficial as a long term investment)  - Yard work. Because of my headspace the yard is out of control. Chainsaw therapy incoming ). See also page 1. - Declutter home space. - Declutter workshop. - Motorcycle restoration project  This is a project I acquired to do with my boys, requires the workshop task mentioned above.    Commitment to self care. - Exercise - Healthy eating - Better boundaries  - Part of better boundaries is stepping back from propping people up. Enabling and encouraging people to do things for themselves where reasonable. - Investing in the concept that my value and worth is not reliant on what others think of me or how they view me. (Can't please everyone).  - Keep a gratitude journal.  ... View more

As I look at page one of this thread I realise I did not achieve any of my goals. Life happened. Including organisational change and leaving a job I loved. (Became toxic and detrimental to my health). Along with more hands on care at home supporting Darling who's level of risk elevated to the point of unsafe to be alone for extended periods. My work stress and state of mind contributed to this. So returned to the role of full time career.    During this time I have experienced some amazing opportunities working casual fill work across 3 different organisations. All flexible enough to accommodate my caring role, and all of which were by invitation not by application.   So now I have a new opportunity recently returning to full time work. Another opportunity that has been by invitation. So in light of that, revisiting this thread, to celibate the wins (in the hope that it may be an encouragement to others that things can improve). But also as a way of journalling progress and a form of accountability to myself.    So here it is ....  ... View more

Late to the party but Happy Birthday @rav3n  Trust you had a wonderful day   ... View more

After quitting a job earlier this year due to a combination of unsustainable toxic work environment and needing to provide additional support at home, I signed a contract this week for a full time job.   While I have enjoyed the casual work we have been blessed with, I am looking forward to this new challenge and opportunity.    Some risk involved dialing back on the 'hand holding' but a win win for capacity building.  ... View more

Time to mix things up again. Returning to full time work mid December. Working on strategies for people to manage with me being less available. Still early days as I have not started yet but looking positive.  ... View more

@AlbertV21  Checking in Trust things are as ok as they can be. As someone who supports someone with BPD I can echo @tyme thought below   Thinking of you and family  ... View more

@Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @tyme  Tagging as you have all commented here. Long time no checking in. Life has been busy.    Things are going ok ATM. We have recently returned from a 2 week road trip. That went better than I could have hope. Usually more than a couple nights away from home and the wheels fall off.  We were away for 2 weeks, 6ooo km across 3 (*edit 4) states. Had 2 days of chaos in the middle. Other than that it went well. Particularly the drive home that was over 2ooo km direct with a very short stop over half way for a power nap in a very budget motel. 30 hour drive. It was amazing and Mr 10 is calling it the most epic holiday ever. His older brothers have had trips like that but we have been treading water since before the youngest was born so trips like this were not even a dream.    Currently I am looking for work. Blessed to have some casual relief but really need something more permanent. Kind of foolish eating into reserves when I have no regular work but a worthwhile investment in connection and opportunity for to connect I think.      ... View more

@AlwaysMyself  Exercise hopefully. I need to start training for an event later in the year. I have been signed up as part of a team lol. Because this year has been a write off on the exercise front I have some work to do lol.    ... View more

Hi @Shaz51  + everyone.   @Shaz51 sadly son cooking is a once a week thing. The rest of the time it is a me thing. Darling mostly only cooks microwave meals or red rooster drive through   Cooked beef and bacon burgers on the bbq tonight.  ... View more

Just had butter chicken Tasted even better because I didn't have to cook it. Cooked by one of the children with their support worker.    ... View more

Hi @Shaz51  + everyone  Big day here.,happy to be home. Did a family outing to city  About 2.5 hour each way. Left at 4am,  Was nice to be out and all getting along despite some stress triggers along the way.  ... View more

@Fullofhope79  It is encouraging to hear you share about your faith. This is a source of encouragement for me also. I pray that you can both have some peace and direction in this process.    I spent some time this afternoon with a Christian mentor to work through some tricky emotions. (The person mentioned earlier who called me out for not being ok).  No answers just a shoulder to lean on, someone with shared values who is not going to say you deserve better, look after yourself. Some gentle genuine support to look after myself while continuing to support those around me.  ... View more

@Fullofhope79  Not sure what to say other than 'I hear you' at the moment I am feeling similar emotions right now to what you have shared and unsure where to turn, like you quitting is not an option for me, the person I fell in love with is still trapped inside there somewhere.  I recently snapped in response to something saying some unkind works and drove off in the car, that is not who I am and I am not ok with that, this weighs heavy on my heart. That was at the point of 'I cant do this any more, Bye'  -  counselling is not an option for us other than to 'sort me out' because I am the problem   I am grateful that someone I trust has seen me sinking and has reached out, we are catching up for coffee early next week. Contemplating not going to work tomorrow in which case there may even be an opportunity to catch up tomorrow. Family activity planned on the weekend that has the potential to be a pressure cooker on account of being in public around people, and a long day.  Past experiences gives cause for concern around safety in the return commute. If I were to say no because.... then I am the villain, so I do what I can and make the most of the opportunity for a happy adventure.  So in light of that walking along side you and trust there can be some peace and direction for you both in the near future.  ... View more

Hi @Cuddlebear  Trying to unwind after a big week. Too early to bed, too wiped to do anything. Even watch tv and take it in.  Just spent an hour on the phone was a good way to pass some time.    The week ended better than it started at least. Will wait and see what drama the weekend brings.  Last weekend was a write off with drama.  ... View more

Hi @Shaz51  + everyone ... View more

@Fullofhope79  This thread may be of benefit to you. Covers some of our journey.  Celebrating the wins and pouring my heart out when at whits end. Mostly you will see the amazing support among our peers. I survived a reasonably dark season with support in this space.    It has been a space to share when it was too much to share with those closest to us as a family.  ... View more

@Fullofhope79  I have been told by GP and psychologist to leave over time past. My happiness is more important and Darling should not be my problem apparently.    To be fair to the GP at the time she had concerns around DV after having x-rays done. Did not buy my story of falling over in the dark.  Thankfully family for the most part family have been supportive. They have little idea how significant our challenges are however.   ... View more

I live in constant fear of Darling making a permanent decision to escape her pain and the impact that would have on the children. (2/3 children now adults) If I were to pack my bags and leave that would be likely 🥹 I could not live with that.   And for me the commitment of for better or worse means something.  That is my decision and in no way a reflection on anyone who is unable to endure the roller coaster.        ... View more

@Fullofhope79  Approaching 26 years and never separated. Other than extended hospital stays. That was a combination of respite for me but at worst safety intervention for my wife. It has not been easy. I have been determined for the sake of our children to keep the family together. That is not for everyone and I am well aware that is not viable or safe for many families.     We have come close to calling it but I am grateful we are still together despite the trauma.    ... View more

Disclaimer, I am all for responsible riding.   But jokes aside, riding my bike helps.   I remember a time sitting in front of a psychologist listing to the repeat speal about mindfulness thinking this is stupid. Then the penny dropped    Hey, this is kind of what I do when I ride. Situational awareness is a big part of defensive riding . ... View more

Hearing you there re hospital @Shaz51  Darling has made it clear that she will refuse to go to hospital again.  So short of an involuntary admission (an I hope it never gets that bad) it is all on me to keep her safe.   @Fullofhope79  Feeling for you. It can be so hard to get a support network when caring for someone with mental illness. It is so isolating.   Depending on where you are (not able to share here for guidelines) I was able to get some carer coaching through carer gateway and wellways. Initially linked with them by a hospital social worker when a parent was being moved to age care against my wishes (over ruled by Dr and social worker)  The intake coordinator came to the conclusion that said patent was the least of my troubles.    The 1-1 carer coaching and facilitated peer support group was invaluable at the time.   I understand how hard it can be to link in with this .I was fortunate because the social worker insisted and did it for me when I put it in the room hard basket . I would recommend it though.  ... View more

@Fullofhope79  For context, I support my wife who lives with borderline personality disorder and clinical depression, among other diagnosis.      ... View more

Walking alongside you in that @Fullofhope79  Living fear of the next meltdown is not a good space to be 🥺   Do you have anyone in you immediate support network?  I have always found this hard which is how I ended up here. The support here has been amazing for me. I trust you can find the same. I used to be in here all the time but don't get here as often as I like now due to capacity.   Here to listen tonight though along with  @Shaz51 and @tyme  ... View more

@Shaz51  Thought I would answer here rather than drag the other thread down with my negativity.  I am at the end of my rope right now. (***Safe***) Just lacking in resilience for putting up with the emotional roller coaster and abuse.  Have just started a new job (temp contract) but already have had to reduce hours to be at home more.    Grateful for a carer status with Centrelink that allows me to work part time only but feel less than adequate that I am unable to work full time.   And I still have not fully recovered from my stress break at the start of the year.    Darling is on the cusp of another break down and I don't know what to do about it.  ... View more

@Fullofhope79 sorry to hear that. Feeling for you in that. I shamefully walked out in the middle of an argument yesterday, but did come back after simmering down.  Now we sit in our corners and pretend nothing happened. I really do hope that you can sort something out 🥺   ... View more

@Shaz51 @Fullofhope79 @tyme  Hello to all. @Fullofhope79  thinking of you and trust the coming week is better. ... View more

Morning @Shaz51  ... View more

@Shaz51  It is a balmy 12deg where I am. Forecast for the morning is 4deg.   ... View more

Hi @EchoGirl and welcome   Hi everyone else who has checked in this morning  Unproductive day here 🥺 I had hoped to make progress on an accreditation I need to complete to hopefully secure some work later this year but procrastinating and time wasting prevails.   I did have the opportunity to catch up with some former work colleagues for coffee. That was nice. Although hilights my resentment surrounding the decision to move on. And the resulting lack in capacity.         ... View more