how could I have been so stupid and cared for someone who uses illegal substances?  10 months on and I have listended to him, supported and encouraged him, only to be lied to and ignored and then verbally and emotionally abused and told that everything that has ever happened is my fault.  I have been manipulated, abused, conned and accused of some horrible things.  Why did it take me so long to wise up?  Why didn't I listen to members of my forum family who warned me about what might happen further down the track?  Once again I am in a domestic violence situation.  I have been called some nasty names when all I have tried to do is care about someone who has so much potential.  I never wanted him to be alone or be homeless or not have emotional support.  Just needed to get this off my chest because the last couple of days have been emotionally draining.  I have prayed to the higher power asking to be forgiven if I have done anything wrong so am sleeping better and I guess over time will be less hard on myself,  Am taking things slowly, one day at a time.  Thankyou kind folk for allowing me to vent because there are so many conflicting emotions.....    ... View more

Hi and welcome @s-jay. Welcome to the forums!!!!! Kind regards ... View more

Hi @frog  sometimes its hard to relax and do something just because.   Why do all the "woulds", "shoulds" and "oughts" keep popping into our minds?  Why can't we just be?   ... View more

Hi @Mulgajane, I agree with you, looking back the episode with the white and black hangers WAS funny, but not so at the time.  I was telling my friend what had happened - and he has PTSD - and he reminded me not to be too hard on myself.  He agreed it wasn't the end of the world, but at times like that it seemed that way.  He mentioned a time when it was his first day at a particular job.  A delivery arrived for him to sort-all the same product-but with a multitude of varities and names, just they all looked the same to him.....said he sat on the floor in the midst of these things.....totally paralyzed by the thought of such an enormous task ahead, which was to be completed in 30 minutes...he cheers me up because he just gets it.  Sometimes it just takes me a while to laugh at the situation!  Sigh.   ... View more

Hello @Shaz51 Haven't been around much lateley, but hope you are doing well. Having the afternoon to myself so am catching up with some items on my 'to do'  list and have just completed my online tax return.  I'm really pleased with myself because that was one thing I kept putting off and putting off.  Its sunny here now so I might go outside with my fur baby and get some viatim D.  Plus I do want a coffee and just have some quiet "in my head" time.     ... View more

Amen, @Former-Member ... View more

Hello @bean This is a big place..and its great that you are contributing to the forums.  I am still learning my way around so please don't be hard on yourself.  We are all welcome here and deserve to be here. Take care of yourself @bean ... View more

All the very best, @Former-Member. It's been lovely to have you here. Good luck with all your new adventures.   Kind regards ... View more

..continued.....I was going along merrily hanging garments on non-white hangers on to an empty rack so I could exchange the hangers  for white hangers in a different area of the container-the old switcheroo, as there are never enough spare hangers just to do one swap, and then my brain spun out of control and I was having trouble trying to remember what clothing came from what section, then I berated myself for not remembering or for not being able to complete a simple task.  Even trying to concentrate on what colour was what, and what section of clothing I was swapping from, seemed totally confusing and I was questioning what impossible task I was attempting.  My confidence took a massive dive as I felt so incompetent.  The panic and anxiety kept spiralling and I thought I'd be able to complete my alloted volunteer shift if I just kept moving.  Things became unbearable and I just had to get out and run away.  Its really difficult to say to someone that has no idea what's going on, that you just have to get away asap.  My behaviour seems bizarre even to me.  And by that stage I was in total crisis mode and nothing could soothe me.  Maybe I ought to have left earlier than I did? ... View more

ARRRRGH!   Just when I think I am handling things better and have the anxiety under control I flip out and run away. Yesterday I went to the op shop to help sort donations in the shipping container outside..something I enjoy because there's just me, the radio and my singing (in my head I have the voice of an angel.)  The manager of the shop asked me to go through the already sorted and hanging summer clothes, and ensure all clothing was hanging on white coat hangers, so they could be put straight on display in the shop during the next few weeks.  Simple task I thought. I was going along merrily hanging garments on non-white hangers on to an empty rack so I could exchange the hangers  for white hangers in a different area of the container-the old switcheroo, as there are never enough spare hangers just to do one swap. .....continued..... ... View more

WOW, @Shaz 51, aren't these cute. Reminds me I need to get around to getting back to the garden..but not motivated enough at present ... View more

Beautiful @Shaz51 ... View more

Lovely and peaceful. Thankyou @Shaz ... View more

Hi @Zoe7 Thanks.  Yes, I could do more hours volunteering but right now I need to work on me for a bit.  I was chatting to one of the other volunteers on Friday-we were sorting things in a large shop/storage space- and we are very similar in that we like our personal space as we sort - we both have a similar sense of humour so shared some laughs, so I think its just going to take time to gain clarity.  I'm very unsettled but need to work through that before I start job searching.  My husband's health is deteriorating so everything's all over the place at the moment.  I've been colouring in tonight but that seems to make me anxious. ... View more

Hi @Zoe7 and @Former-Member Yesterday made an appointment with psychologist for next week, having just got my 4 extra medicare visits.   And here I was for quite a while thinking I don't need to see her anymore.  Can't explain the sorts of thoughts I've been having lately, or the panic that just comes from nowhere, but I know I need some extra support about redundancy, home life, and my relationship with my 20 years younger male friend (faux brother and best friend).  Actually, my friend is the best thing in my life at the moment, we support each other, I need to talk about the other stuff more than anything...I realise I can't control events or outcomes but my brain is in overdrive and I need some clarity or another opinion...maybe I just need to get a part time job and stop whinging...just some things are hard to adjust to.  However, I am doing 3 hours volunteer work a week, sorting and storing off-season clothing in a shipping container at a local op shop with just the radio and my loud singing....and I just love it because there's no forced conversations with new people in close confines, which just freaks me out...enough for now, I need to be busy. ... View more

Sorry to hear about the baby bird, @Former-Member...very sad ... View more

Sending you  and hugs @Former-Member ... View more

Thankyou @Zoe7, they are beautiful ... View more

@Former-Member, the unit is beautiful and you deserve it! ... View more

FANTASTIC! ... View more

Love and hugs @outlander ... View more

Oh @dhanib I don't know what to say.  Welcome to the forums. From reading what you've written and shared here, I sense you might be feeling guilt, loneliness, emptiness, disappointment and despair in the way your life is turning out.  There are so many kind  people who genuinely care here.  More people will come along and may be able to offer suggestions.  I wish you all the best. ... View more

Hi @Former-Member Have been flighty the last couple of days/weeks (eyeroll) but I think that's my fault...lots of sad, scary thoughts but also heaps of confusion, but am sure things will turn out ok.  Hope you're ok.  Hello too, to @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7, hope today has been peaceful and restful.  Take care.   ... View more

Hi @AshenShugar Sorry I missed your post, I've been having a few anxious moments myself lately.  One step forward and two steps back, but I'm trying not to be too hard on myself.  Hoping the anti-depressants help.  I've been on anti-depressants for more than 20 years and still get anxious and panicky in certain situations.  It can be really difficult to try to calm down but I just keep telling myself these things will pass.  And feelings do pass.  Take care. ... View more

Hi @Former-Member     ... View more

Sometimes I just want to shut myself off from the real world.  I don't feel like I belong or fit in anywhere.  If I confide in anyone about my high anxiety or depression, people don't want to know and just drift away.  I just don't understand people...I can relate on a trivial level but panic if talk is about revealing one's self.  I've had a number of panic attacks over the past few weeks and beat myself up about them because some people don't know or understand how difficult it is to try and stay on top of them.  One step forward but two steps back...and I thought I was getting on top of things..... ... View more

Hi @Blue012 @Mulgajane @frog @CheerBear Extremely difficult pretending to be ok and "normal" and the same as everyone else, but no matter what, I just don't fit in anywhere. ... View more

@AshenShugar There are so many people in the real world who just don't realise how difficult it is for those of us with mental illnesses to meet people, and want to establish realtionships (friendship or otherwise) with others.  We are all humans and so many of us want to connect with and be loved by others.  And some people seem to think that somehow we are not "normal" (whatever that means) and we are deficient in some way.  But we still crave companionship.  And I agree with you, its difficult to connect with others when there's all these other things going on with us.  Kind of like being in limbo-land.  Take care. ... View more

@Catlover81  Of course your mental health is a priority, especially  during this time of uncertainty.  I can appreciate that you don't want to "fall apart" in light of the recent sad news, but from what you've written I believe you are resilient and will get through.  You say you have worked hard at being in a good head space, and I applaude you because its not easy to get to that stage.  Life throws all sorts of things our way-not always good things-and noone is ever and/or always prepared.  You will be supported here.  None of us has all the answers but we are here for you.  Sending you love and hugs.   ... View more

@Mulgajane  ... View more