Trying to be happy, isn’t working

[Shaz51]

hugs @Peri

Hello @Caerulean and welcome to the forum

letting you know you are not alone my friend ,

Hello @Former-Member, @Appleblossom, @Zoe7

[Peri]

Hi @Former-Member, @Shaz51, @Caerulean

hi @Former-Member, Sherry, I am not too young to lose two mothers at all.  My adoptive mother was 101 when she died and I was in my 50s  I am now 67 and my birth mother was 85.  

I am musical, but nowhere near as talented as some of the others, well most probably.  The musical side comes from my birth mother.  He second husband was also very musical, so the most talented of us are their children together.

i have decided to go to Melbourne for the family gathering in her memory. I will stay with one of my sisters.  I think all of us children will be there.  

It could turn to a mess as some family members can behave quite badly on these occasions.  But the sister I will stay with I am very close to and she is lots of fun so even though it is a sad occasion we will laugh a lot.  

I will also see my other full sister and my nieces.

my general mood is low and my anxiety levels are high, especially in the late afternoon.  I have trouble calming myself. 

I struggle to to get up in the mornings and to do anything in my day, I rarely leave the house.  I am not happy living this way but have neither the energy or motivation to change. 

Thank you 

peri

[Former-Member]

Hi there dear @Peri and thank you for your update overnight.  I read your post at around 3.30am last night, but didnt feel up to replying then.  

Your adoptive Mum lived to a very ripe old age, I'm glad for you because I recall you adored her.  Your birth Mum, at 85, is not so old.  These days its almost expected that we live to our late 80's. Times have changed in that regard havent they?

I am happy to hear that you have inherited some of your mothers musical talent. I would love to be musical, but unfortunately am so very NOT musical. 

Good on you for making the decision to go to Melbourne for the family memorial gathering. It sounds like it will be a pleasurable experience for you to spend some time with your sister.  And it will no doubt also be nice to catch up with the rest of your siblings and some nieces as well.  I always envy people who say they spend time with their nieces.  It brings home the fact that I no longer have a niece, with the loss of little Em a little over 3 years ago in a car accident.  But I still have 2 nephews, whom I keep in close contact with, despite the distance factor.

As for the family gathering possibly turning into a mess due to bad behaviour?  I think most families can probably lay claim to that at times. I'm sure you will all come through okay.

Its understandable that your mood is still low and your anxiety high.  You seem to not give yourself credit for having gone through so much in the past year.  Allow yourself to accept that this is a normal reaction to an extremely stressful time in your life.  Do you have any inkling as to why late afternoons are worse for you?  I was just wondering if you could schedule something for afternoons to help keep yourself a little calmer.  Whether thats a walk, a movie, a nice cool shower, listen to some favourite music, read a book, or do some other sort of craft or hobby.  The important thing is to schedule it for when you normally find yourself going down hill.  See if you can arrest the decline before it happens.

As for not leaving the house, soon you will be in order to get to Melbourne for the family memorial for your birth mum.  Perhaps that will prove to be the catalyst to helping you through this current rut.  I hope so.

Hi also to @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Appleblossom and hello and welcome to @Caerulean

Sherry 💕🤗🌸

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Former-Member 

You may not realise how much you shine, in the thoughtfulness and care in your posts. 

@Peri I hope you connect with some music on your trip to Melbourne.  Maybe it can inspire you to take a bit into your weekly schedule when you are return home and are ready.   Music can be difficult at times, for a while I found I could not stop tears whenever I did any music, but a friend encouraged me to sing through the tears. It is weird but it kinda works.

Take Care both of you.

I need to her pohone her right now.

Cheers

[Former-Member]

Dear @Peri.

I just wanted to drop by and let you know that I've been thinking of you. I'm not sure when your planned trip to Melbourne will be, but you had said end of January. So perhaps this trip for your Mum's memorial get together could be next week. Fast approaching, expecially given this coming weekend is a long weekend with Aust Day.

How are you going since we last spoke? I really hope you managed to find some light in your days, and ways to get through each day. You know from past experience that this current depressed state does not last forever. Better days WILL come.

I must apologise for not responding yet to your lovely post to me on my PTSD thread. For you to say that I inspire you makes me feel good, but at the same time ... very unworthy of your words. I certainly do not feel inspirational, I feel beaten. Anyway, I will get to respond soon I hope with another update due. Something I've been putting off for the time being. I'm waiting for things to improve, so I can post something more inspirational. 😊 So far, its not happening. But I will get there ... I know I will. We have to have faith in our own abilities to bounce back from the depths we sometimes find ourselves in.

Will your son go to Melbourne with you when you go? I hope there have been no major incidents with him lately, and that you are managing to cohabitate at least fairly happily for the time being.

I will talk more when I'm not so tired. I need to go to bed now, but wanted you to know I've not forgotten you.

Hi also to @Shaz51. @Appleblossom - Awww gee, thank you for your very kind words. That was lovely of you.

Sherry 🤗💕🐶

[Shaz51]

thinking of you @Peri 

Hello @Former-Member, @Appleblossom, @Caerulean, @Zoe7

[Caerulean]

I'm not exactly sure what I'm replying to,  I'm not really inclined toward social media,  it makes me feel uncomfortable.  I ampathise with others on this site who struggle with mental health issues.  There really is no easy answer,  depending on your situation, there are degrees of suffering that just need to be endured.  There are probably cycles if you have a chronic condition, and periods where there may be relief.  But I am not an optimist in terms of contemporary treatment methods I believe the problem is just too complex.  I've experienced symptom for almost 20 years ranging from dangerous depression to social anxiety and psychotic symptoms.  Medication seems at best a blunt instrument based on trial and error. ( and one,  as far as I know there is know no diagnostic test that confirm the hypothesis that illness is caused by neurotransmitter levels in the brain that are corrected by medication.  If such a test exists I have not encountered it,  if it doesnt  then it's unproven science in my opinion.  Tho I have explored these avenues extnsively.   The most helpful therapy I have found has often come from those with less qualification who simply treat you as a person and not a problem or a disease.  The catch 22 being that you can't access services unless  you are diagnosed with a mental illness.  Now in the age of identity politics it could could be argued that labelling anyone as  'ill' because they have different perspective of reality or of themselves is actually an act of prejudice. But being at at bottom of the food chain,  there's not much the "mentally ill" can do about this,  other people are are fighting for more worthwhile causes for people who are not Ill and are just "different" , yours cynically,  Caerulean.  PS.  My life was destroyed by people I was seeking treatment from last year so I'm not a happy chappy and it will take a long time for me to believe again that anyone knows what they re doing when it comes to the complexities of individuality and suffering,  normal behaviour,  experiences etc.  I'm sorry if this post is not helpful to others.  

[Former-Member]

Hello again @Peri.

Its been a while since we have heard from you, so perhaps you are already in Melbourne for your Mums memorial.  I trust that you are doing okay, and hopefully enjoying the opportunity of staying with your sister and catching up with your other siblings as well.  I realise it will be a difficult time for you, but perhaps the chance to see family members will offset some of those difficulties.  Thinking of you ......

Sherry 

Hello also to @Shaz51 and @Caerulean

[Shaz51]

thinking of you @Peri

[Peri]

Thank you @Shaz51

your supportive posts are very appreciated.  I am now in Melbourne and staying with my sister.  It is very hot.  I am here to attend the memorial for our mother.  It will be a bittersweet experience.  However I am looking forward to seeing everyone and thinking about happy times.  

My anxiety is manageable at the moment though it peaks at times.  I think being away from the stressors of home is giving me some distance.  

I had a lovely apology from my son for some of his behaviour, perhaps some time apart will be good for our relationship too. 

I really value the support I get from this forum 

peri