I dont feel like Im struggling anymore, I feel like Im completely overcome and Ive gone limp, like a huge wave has washed over me and Im not fighting to get to the surface, Im limp, Im completely at the mercy of the ocean.
For the past couple days my legs have been really sore and really tight, the intensity of it increased overnight last night. It kept me awake. I had to go get my eyes tested this morning, by the time I got into town the pain was so much worse so I got into a doctor before I saw my GP. I was aiming to see my GP later that day to get the referrals organised.
At the end of the day after seeing both doctors I walked out with referrals to get a couple of scans, one to check if I had DVT in my legs. That was rushed and I went down to the city this evening for that to be done. I have had my pain meds doubled, I dont know that I will come at taking all that but its there.
The infection is playing with me, its hanging around, not major but it gets going for a bit then calms down. There is still a fair bit of swelling around my apron, inner thighs and the base of my stomach. That all fluctuates as well. The feeling of it all is really uncomfortable. I kinda want to put a sling under my gut to keep it from pressing down on my swollen apron and thighs.
My shoulder is really painful, I have an appointment coming up to have it reviewed for potential surgery, though I wont be able to do that until all this other crap is sorted out. Im supposed to be having injections into my spine next week to hopefully help with the pain but again that might have to be delayed. And the pain in my spine is worse because of all the swelling and shit. In general, I ache, everything hurts, I feel aweful. Whats worse is that no one seems to really know what is going on, a month of antibiotics etc and Im not better, no one knows why. Now its the weekend so nothing is going to happen for a while.
All that is shit and it was hard but its the stuff with my mental health that has knocked me for a 6. I have been trying to get a new psychiatrist, as many would know. I have sent emails to all the online psychiatric services with information surrounding my mental and physical health so they were aware of what I would need services wise. I was really clear with what I was after. Every response I got told that they didnt have someone within their network to work with me. Face to face is basically impossible to get into. One mob responded and said that their Clinical Director, a psychiatrist has said I need Comprehensive Case Management and referred me back to the Community Mental Health Team. After a couple of failed attempts getting in contact with me, I got a message saying that the psychiatrist didnt want to see me either. I dont think the receptionist listened to what I said, Ive found an email for them and Im going to send them an email but getting the message that not only do the private community have no place for me to be seen, the fall back wont either. All I want is some help, I wanted to try and prevent certain actions being taken by me. I dont honestly see any point in holding back anymore. Im not saying Ill do it but I have less ammo to stop myself.
It doesnt help that while writing this my sister decided to point out that I was supposed to pick up medication for my Mum today and everything I said about it was questioned and the simple fact that I wasnt exactly unoccupied today and its not like Im sick, like Im really sick and they dont seem to give a shit, Im in pain, again, lots of pain and again, they dont care. Mum could have thought about it and got my sister to go in, but no, blame me. I spoke to Mum when I was racing down to make sure I didnt have DVTs, I got the great thing of how they have all been through what I am at the moment and bullshit about going back to work, which right at the moment I dont give a flying about.
Sorry you feel this way @ClockFace . It sounds like you are still battling the pain you have endured for a long time. I hope you get some relief very soon.
@ClockFace I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles accessing mental health support. I want you to know that I truly understand what it’s like to go through rejection from private psychiatric facilities. The feedback from the clinical director to community health is exactly what I experienced again recently ( ?? Is this the same ). I feel that private hospital psychiatric facilities have the luxury of rejecting complex mental health patients in favour of patients that are less complex/easier to manage. I have always had top private health insurance ( 20+ years ) which I have recently suspended due to having no access to private mental health hospitals. I wish you all the best
