Lived Experience Forum

[Mildolyn]

Hi. I am new to this site. I used to use an old forum site years ago for support but haven't needed to again until now. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder along with borderline personality disorder. I am high functioning and as such have struggled to get help over the years. I'm pretty stable these days and have even been told I have "recovered" from bpd. To be honest I truly question this idea of recovery. I may not meet all the criteria I once did for bpd but the pervasive and what I consider to be flawed parts of who I fundamentally am as a person that aligns with traits of bpd is still there. I just know how to manage it better these day. I'd love to connect with anyone that may feel similarly about themselves. I feel quite lost at the moment and don't really know where to turn.

[Hoping-for-Hope]

I'm new here too and am coming to grips with whether learning how to effectively manage symptoms is the same as recovery. I've found the pervasive stress of Covid over past 12 has knocked me for six in unexpected ways and I wonder what older life and self-management will look like, particularly if you mix in chronic pain and general declining health.  Seems only studies have looked at younger cohorts. 

it makes me feel so scared that the life I have constructed is in such shifting soils. 
Not sure if that helps.

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Mildolyn , it's good you've joined. 

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@Mildolyn wrote:

I feel quite lost at the moment and don't really know where to turn.

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I'm sorry to hear this.

I'm going to tag @BPDSurvivor  as they have great insight. 

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply. 

I hope you find the forums a supportive place. 

[NatureLover]

Welcome to you too, @Hoping-for-Hope  🙂

I personally don't think that learning to manage symptoms is the same as recovery. 

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@Hoping-for-Hope wrote:

I wonder what older life and self-management will look like, particularly if you mix in chronic pain and general declining health.  

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I wonder this too. 

Do you have chronic pain? 😞

[Paperdaisy]

Hi @Mildolyn, Just wanted to say welcome to the forums. If you have the time to look around I hope you will find some great stories of recovery around BPD and MDD, just use the search bar to look up key terms. I can see you have been connected with others in the community already. 

Take care,

Paperdaisy 

[Mildolyn]

Hi @Hoping-for-Hope. Thanks for your reply. I can relate to the concern about creating a life in shifting sands. Uncertainty is difficult for anyone to deal with not to mention when you have compunding concerns on top of it. 

[Mildolyn]

Hi @NatureLover thanks for your reply and tips. Very helpful!

[Mildolyn]

Hi @Paperdaisy . Thank you for replying. i will have a look around more at topics and discussions. Hopefully I can find some stories that resonate with my experience.

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Mildolyn ,

I definitely know what you are saying. I've lived with BPD for my entire adult life and although I have somewhat 'recovered' from BPD, I definitely still have BPD perks and quirks... i put that down to a part of my personality 🙂

I manage these little BPD perks by first noticing them, then working through them with my therapists. I consider where I currently am and where I want to be in the future, then work towards that using strategies developed with my treating team. For example, i still have many struggles in the realm of trust and relationships. I know I don't want to always be feeling isolated, hence I work towards establishing connections with various communities. Yes, it's uncomfortable (at first), but this is where I want to be in the future...

Hope that makes a little sense. 

So it's not WRONG to have elements of BPD. It becomes more an issue when it is stopping you from functioning in society. Otherwise, just see it as something you can work on in order to improve. I don't think there is so such thing as the perfect person. So in a way, I'm quite satisfied with how far I've come in my recovery. Of course there's still a long way to go, but at least I'm content.

Happy to speak about this further if you have any questions 🙂

BPDSurvivor

[Hoping-for-Hope]

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@NatureLover wrote:

Welcome to you too, @Hoping-for-Hope  🙂

I personally don't think that learning to manage symptoms is the same as recovery. 

I don't either, but I'm also understanding that might be best case. I 'm trying to get my head around a likely good outcome will look like. I've live most of my life in denial of this and now I'm facing into it I'm scared and feing a bit hopeless. 

Do you have chronic pain? 😞

I have been experiencing chronic back pain for nearly 6 months and it's made me more volatile. Apparently people w unmanaged BPD have a higher likelihood of chronic pain because of sustained low self care. 🙁

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