Lived Experience Forum

[AndPeggy]

I'm Peggy, I'm new here. Pretty sure I have OSDD or possibly DID but getting diagnosed right now is tricky because it's hard to find specialists that are taking on new patients. I don't have a psychiatrist so I'm just coasting by. Pretty hard to ignore my parts though. This is all pretty new to me. I had a breakdown/breakthrough/break every f-ing thing about 18 months ago and since then everything has changed.

Like many of us, I come from a history of childhood trauma and have CPTSD as well as the dissociative symptoms. Fun. Up until 18 months ago my parts had done a great job of hiding the memories from me. I thought my symptoms were me being lazy or crazy in some abstract 'it's all my fault' way. Now I know how hard I was working just to stay afloat.

It's daunting coming to terms with new memories and new people in my head. More so because I don't know anyone going through anything similar. I'm happy to find a forum with others with lived experience. I'm here to watch and learn.

[Pato]

Hi Peggy,

Not a multipal but I experience dissociation as a symptom of what the doctors call Borderline Personality Disorder. I just kind of switch off when something traumatic is being discussed or something reminds me of a traumatic memory, for just a few seconds - 10 or 15. I might also get brain fog when explaining traumatic stuff - it happens in therapy a lot for me. I lose my words and forget what I was talking about. 

My Identity can seem quite unclear to me, at times. Rather than having or jumping between different personalities, as is the case with DID, I am just not really sure who I am. At the moment I am struggling to understand my sexuality and if I like just women, or men and women. I change career direction ever few years and my hobbies frequently change, as part of this. This year, I've taken up yoga and meditation (so chill), last year I was hardcore into politics and activism (very not chill). 

I don't have a psychaitrist either - I don't like them. I have a nice clinical psychologist though and I like working with her. Psychologists are more empathic in my opinion and thats important to me. 

Great to hear from you and thanks for sharing what you are going through. Childhood trauma, yup I can understand where you are coming from with that. Being in denial, yup I've done lots of that. We do what we need to in order to survive and that denial was functional for me for quite a while. 

[wellwellwellnez]

So, nice to meet you, Peggy.

Diagnostical lag is a drag. You seem to be riding it well. Probably more importantly, you're still taking the time to invest in recovery.

I've never seen the use of the words "my parts" like that. I like it a lot. It feels a very elegant way to describe the scope of dynamics around the OSDD/DID area. I say this as someone who doesn't possess that particular kind of dissociation but gets a lot out of trying to grow my understanding.

[Lilaca]

Hi @AndPeggy ,

Welcome to SANE!

Everyone here is at different stages in their recovery journey. I hope you find solidarity through the similar experiences of others as well as finding comradeship to push each other forward. 

It is a tough journey. And while healthcare professionals are often emphasized, please do not underestimate your own ability in getting out of this mess through sheer will. I hope you find it in your strength to get better. It takes time, but you will made it for sure. 

 

[veldethen]

Hi Peggy,

It seemed fitting that my first post should be to a fellow system 🙂

We are ... unclear on whether we are formally diagnosed or not but have no doubts about being a system. Over the years have worked with therapists on CPTSD and disorganised attachment but our alters responsible for daily living only realised we were a system about five years ago.

Just found this forum today but have been doing our own research for some time now and have achieved much better internal communication over recent months. I have found YouTube videos created by "Multiplicity&Me" and "The Entropy System" to be really helpful.

Improving our internal communication has been achieved by trying things that have worked for other systems so we owe an enormous debt of gratitude to those that have shared what works for them. We are using a combination of a mindmap and an introduction template so that alters can share information about themselves and draw lines to show who they are close to and who they know about in our system. It's fascinating learning about each other, though choosing to be welcoming of and feeling comfortable about some of the persecutor alters is challenging...