Lived Experience Forum

[Shea]

Over the last few months my bfs anger has resulted in him calling me names and me having to apologise for making him angry. Usually it is about me not parenting to his expectations, mainly about not getting the kids to do chores exactly when he wants them too, even though I'm might be giving them 10mins to finish what they're doing. Last night I finally went out with some friends and came home to bickering between my bf and the kids. I said  "can this family not argue or bicker for 12hours". This resulted in him loosing his temper saying how i drilled him and how much of a c@nt i am. Finally I broke and yelled back saying stop calling me names. I went to bed upset which made everything worse. I was called a 2 year old for crying and I always ruin our weekends and that I am the names he calls me. I completely lost it, screamed at him to leave me alone which resulted in more and more insults thrown at me and that I need to get help. I feel like a complete failure at being a mother, a partner and a person. I feel terrible for loosing my temper and wish I was strong like every other time but this time I feel broken. I have no friends i can talk to about this so feel so isolated. 

[Lostandalone]

We are here listening @Shea 

[Zoe7]

@Shea You have every right to feel safe in your own home and not have to endure this type of abuse. I do not blame you one bit for fighting back - what you partner is doing is abuse and you do not have to take it. Have you considered talking to a helpline about this? 1800RESPECT would be a great place to start. They will not only listen but be able to offer you support and advice. The SANE helpcentre is also available weekdays from 10am to 10pm and again they will listen and support you in a non-judgemental and empathetic way. Of course we here on the forum will also listen and support you through whatever you need to do. You do not have to go through this alone - keep reaching out, keep talking and know you are amongst friends who understand and will walk with you here 

[greenpea]

@Shea  Hey and welcome to the forums. I am just going to say that there is no way I would ever let any bf/partner of mine calls me names like that., That is abuse and I wouldnt put up with it. Do you have anywhere you and the children can go that is safe? It is abuse of the children to let them hear that kind of language from both of you. Time to make plans to leave imho. It can be done but you have to do it cleverly and also I would be discussing it with a lawyer re gaining custody of the children. I wish you luck. greenpeax

[Angryant]

Hi

As someone who has lived what you are describing, I understand where you are at mentally. I understand why it is hard to leave. You are being controlled. I would recommend (based on my own personal experience) ciphening small amounts of money away so you can have the resources to escape when you are mentally ready. 10 dollars a week to the side. A year later, that's starting money. You should also gather evidence. Start recording his verbal abuse. It sounds like he does it enough for you to get plenty of evidence. This will help you when the court system tries to force you into mediation sessions with him that you don't have to be in the same room. The best way to exit a toxic relationship is distance.