Lived Experience Forum

[Parzival]

TW: SI

Content/trigger warning

I wish I didn’t wake up today, I just want to die.

[Jynx]

Hey @Parzival sounds like you're in a really rough place. I'm going to flick you an email to check in, keep an eye out okay? 

Is there anything you wanna chat about or get off your chest? Here to listen.

[Parzival]

Tired, I’m always tired. 4 months I’ve been thinking about suicide all day and night. So alone

[Jynx]

@Parzival oh gosh, yeah that's bound to leave you feeling incredibly depleted! Can put the body into a state of high stress and agitation, and then when we feel exhausted all the time it's that much harder to engage in self-soothing and stuff that will alleviate the distress. 

Are you dealing with this all by yourself? Do you have some social or professional support? 

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @Parzival I'm so sorry you are not doing well, lovely. I noticed your post and just wanted to respond to give you encouragement and support. I know you are struggling and things aren't ok with you in your world. My guess is you just want someone to sit down and just chat with you, to have some human contact with someone who is understanding and does not give judgement in your moment of need.  Its hard living with MI and I want to extend my compassion to you at this time. Knowing that there are people here for you on SANE. I can understand how debilitating symptoms can be and how circumstances can be so awful that they seem to conspire against us. Know that even though things feel bad and you might be at your wits end trying to hold it together on your own please keep pushing forwards and holding on for another day. I don't know your circumstances but I suspect you have reached the end of your tether and living is so painful. I have been there on many occasions. I'm sending you my love and hope that reaching out to you is received well. I hope you will be in a better headspace soon where you can find a sweetspot in your life once again. Please keep going, the world needs you

[SOS7]

In same boat. Not that I have experience in dying, but from what I gather, it is definitely not a pleasant process when you have initiated it. You regret but cannot undo, but wait for the process that you initiated to take its course! 

We’ve got this! Shake it off 

[marchhare]

Hi there SOS7,

We wanted to take this opportunity to welcome you to the forums.

We hope that you find the forums a great place to connect with other members, share stories and ideas, and find the support and connection you deserve.

Feel free to Introduce yourself here if you haven’t already!

We look forward to seeing you around on the forums!

The SANE Forums Team

[Parzival]

I woke up feeling worse

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @Parzival 💜

I am sorry to hear that you woke up feeling worse today. I read your last post, and I can imagine this is an incredibly painful time for you. You must be so drained from experiencing these thoughts every day. I, too, have struggled with suicidal ideation in the past, and it was a very scary time. I know that in times like this, everything can feel like a chore, and you feel alone. I want you to know that you are not alone. I am listening.  

[Snowie]

Hi @Parzival 

I understand where you are coming from. Just not long ago committing suicide was the only thing I thought about. It consumed my entire life. I had made plans, I had thought them through, I had decided that was the only option for me. The only time I would get respite is when I slept, and even then that was forced.

And all that changed. I was able to overcome those feelings and thoughts. Yes it was tough, it was hard work, it was painful, but it can be done. One thing that helped was the support I got from my treating team. I had to learn to trust them and realise that they had my best interest in mind. Yes I had those ups and downs. Just when I thought I was getting better, I would regress again.

I guess what I am trying to tell you that it is possible to come out the other side. These thoughts can lessen and our true self can come shining through.

Also please know that you are not alone. There are plenty of people on here that can relate to what you are saying and can give you support.

Please continue to reach out on here or other places for that support. 

I look forward to getting to know you better 💕