Lived Experience Forum

[thehorrors]

Does anyone else ever get this thing where someone says something and they think "wow, it would be really awful if my face responded in this way, they'd think X" and your mind makes you start DOING that and it's completely wrong and not how you feel but because it looks like an involuntary reaction no-one's going to believe you if you tell them that?

My communication skills are so appalling I can't express anything accurately and I have a bad habit of making assumptions that people will somehow grasp the nuances of what I'm saying without me elaborating on it making me look stupid or unkind and then that's there sabotaging me too. ;OOO;

I'm lowkey resigned I will never be able to share things right, I have such a hard time being seen properly. It's so endlessly painful and frustrating. I feel like I'm doomed to either accidentally push people away from me and for them to think it's intentional/malicious or to withdraw and creep them out as a result. 😐

[RiverSeal]

Hey @thehorrors, thank you for sharing your experiences here on the Forums!

I can relate to what you said when my MH was really severe, and I was finding life really challenging people used to get the wrong idea for my facial expressions. I got in big trouble at work once because of it and I was in a tricky situation. My communication skills were quite low, and I had a low sense of self-worth, so people used to walk all over me.

It's great that you are reaching out here with your peers and you can make so new connections with the community. There are some great places to share your experiences if you want to check them out: Looking for a space to connect with others? Find a... - SANE Forums

Thanks again for sharing!

Take care 

RiverSeal 

[scruffypuffball]

@RiverSeal @thehorrors 

omg i can relate to this:

"I was finding life really challenging people used to get the wrong idea for my facial expressions. I got in big trouble at work once because of it and I was in a tricky situation. My communication skills were quite low, and I had a low sense of self-worth, so people used to walk all over me."

I went thru exactly the same thing in my early 20s at work where I had just come out of a severe 20year DV situtation and my facial expressions must have been showing something, you are not aware of it.  But at the same time, I think narcissistic people pick up on it more and use it as a weapon.  happened to me in 2 workplaces.

15 years later I was on the internet and a thing called "chronic resting bitchface" was trending. It describes exactly what I experienced, people turned it around and made fun of it I guess to take their power back.  Looking back i think maybe my face was expressing the trauma i endured.  I have no idea.  But yes, predatory bullies will jump on it to exploit the situation.  Its incredibly sadistic in a way.  What you want me to smile thru my trauma?  Up yours.  Its just another way a toxic society wont let us express our emotions and process them to heal.  It is easy to put all the blame on ourselves.  Be gentle with yourself.  Self care is necessary in those moments.  Easier said than done.

There is a website dedicated to it! lol.

https://chronicbitchface.com/

[Jasper_123]

@thehorrors 

This sounds to me like some kind of intrusive thought pattern! I have found when I am anxious I think a lot about these sorts of things and tend to spiral over them. I think as people we are egotistical and think people are constantly watching us but most people are wrapped up in their own worlds and wont notice you making an unusual facial expression.

[LilMapleLeaf]

@thehorrors 

I absolutely Sometimes I feel that my mouth is the one that says the completely wrong thing! I use to be surrounded by people who made me feel so bad for everything I would say and who would send me into a shame spiral after every social interaction but now I've accidentally surrounded myself with people who are just like me and understand that just because I said something doesn't mean I actually meant to and also do the same thing which is lovely when I can help them feel okay just being themself.