Lived Experience Forum

[Overthinker]

After being convinced to go to an event I didn’t want to, told I needed to, to show support for the family that doesn’t understand mental health. I have travelled interstate, to an island. Trapped. 

I have been reprimanded for my emotions by both sisters and my mother, still expected to keep it together on a combined 16 hours of sleep across the last four nights. Why is it that the people closest to you don’t want to take the time to realise, your emotions aren’t selfish. They are valid. I am allowed to feel disappointed that I was yelled at in public. Im allowed to be upset that I feel as though sides have been drawn. I am allowed to be angry that when I went to my mother hoping for support, I was instead berated and told I was being dramatic. Told to think about the others. Told to shove the feelings down. Again.

I can’t do it anymore, the feelings are too big. I don’t fit in the box they want me too. I never have. I’ve tried, I’ve suppressed, I’ve ignored my feelings but doing so just makes them worse. I constantly work on myself in psychology, sometimes even weekly and I’m told to recognise my emotions and talk through them but how can I do that when I’m punished for having them?

I know I’m over sensitive. I know I get angry quickly. I know I have rejection dysphoria. I am fully aware and have shared these things with my family who still seem to think that if I buckle down and try hard enough; I’ll fit into that beige box. I don’t. My shape is irregular, it’s full of colours and emotions and today has been my hardest realisation.

For my own mental health, I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be around people who don’t understand and stepping away from my closest relatives is really hard but I feel it’s necessary. 

[amber22]

Hey there @Overthinker 

I think that it's a really good thing that you can recognise that your feelings are valid and that you're allowed to feel the way that you do. Your feelings matter and no one can ever tell you that they don't! 

It is totally okay to have big feelings, and I think that in order for you to find peace with your feelings, it can be really beneficial to only keep the people in your life that support you and make you feel heard and seen. 

I see that you think that possibly distancing yourself from others might be helpful - do you know how you might do this? Or what would help you the most during this time?

[Overthinker]

Thanks so much for your reply 🥰

I’m thinking at this stage, I’ll slowly cut back communication because I don’t want things to erupt. I’ve let my sisters know where I stand but it’s a bit scarier/harder with my mum haha. She is a very reactive person who even when spoken to rationally and calmly will return spitting venom. I think that I’ll just have to stay strong in declining her offers and objections to me saying no.

I’ve got a psychology session next Tuesday where I’m hoping to talk all this through and come up with a more solid action plan. It’s just today has been really hard and I wanted to share my experience in a safe space that really, truly understand from their own lived experiences. I’m finding it very hard to know strangers are more supportive than my immediate family but in the same note, so grateful that I have this forum to talk through my feelings and be supported by wonderful people like you.

Thanks again @amber22

[defaultusername]

Hi @Overthinker,

I agree wholeheartedly with @amber22, your emotions are valid and you have every right to feel them.

You know what is best for you and your wellbeing, and sometimes reducing or limiting contact with certain people and known triggers, even family members, is a very important form of self-care.

That's good you have an appointment with your psychologist next week to talk things through and come up with a plan.

Wishing you all the best and know that you're not alone,

defaultusername