Lived Experience Forum

[Chook83]

Hi @members

I have never asked for help before, I am always the carer, the strong one. But for the last week or so I have felt a recurring sense of panic/anxiety. I have huge anxiety around medication and not having control of things so can’t deal with that idea at the moment. I don’t drink to excess (1 glass of wine 2-3 times a week, if that). I know I have trauma from when I was a teenager, but I have never discussed that with anyone due to shame and not wanting to be weak. I uprooted my family’s life seven years ago to be near my dad after he was suddenly diagnosed with dementia. Dad passed away 1 year and 2 weeks ago and over the last year I have had a half sibling sue his estate which I had to deal with as executor. I finished a uni degree last year at almost 40 and am now a teacher, which I love but there is a lot of pressure. My partner is egocentric and has only ever worried about himself. Our 2 children (who I have pretty much raised on my own even though we are a family) are 17 and 16 and both adhd which can be challenging at times. 
I don’t know what I’m asking but god I feel shit at the moment.

[Acanthiza]

Hey @Chook83  it sounds like you have a lot of responsibility. I have a lot of anxiety too and know what it is like to be "strong" for other people. Have you seen a psychologist or anything about this stuff? Anyway welcome to the forum, I hope talking here can help a little at least.

[Chook83]

No I haven’t but I want to. I just have a serious fear of being medicated. But I do want to start dealing with all my trauma and issues causing the anxiety.

[Acanthiza]

Hey @Chook83 , pretty sure they can't make you take medication, my psychologists never pressed me on it anyway.Finding a good psychologist can be hard but is really useful if you can. If you have a good dr they can help and ultimately give a referral for the medicare rebate to help with the price. (something I never managed due to anxiety though, lol)

By the way you can tag people with the @ so they know you responded (though it is a forum so people respond in their own good time sometimes)

[Chook83]

@Acanthiza 

Thank you for replying. I guess rationally I know that they can’t make me take medication but it’s a really irrational fear probably linked to my fear of not being in control of myself or a situation etc. I do want to find a psychologist or social worker that I can speak to regularly because I think that would really help. 

[Acanthiza]

I hear you @Chook83 , if we were perfectly rational it wouldn't be anxiety! I was also very scared of medication, which turned out to be good because it turns out I have bipolar and usual antidepressants can be risky for that.

I hope you find a good person to talk to and get some help working through things.

[Jasper_123]

@Chook83 - You shouldn't have to always be the strong one! Is there anybody you can lean on for support with the things you've mentioned? 

Have you considered therapy to discuss the trauma you went through as a teenager? Sometimes our body gives us emotions as clues to something under the surface (or sometimes right in front of us) 

[Chook83]

@Jasper_123 I know, but I’ve always been the responsible one, ‘the fixer’ for everything. I saw a dr today to get a referral and mental health care plan for a psychologist and even made an appointment with a psychologist for a phone appointment next Thursday! So small steps! 

[Jasper_123]

Hi again @Chook83 - How did it end up going? 

[Chook83]

@Jasper_123 I have a phone consultation with a psychologist on Thursday afternoon which is good, and I had my onboarding call with Sane yesterday. So feeling like I’m taking some control over my anxiety. Thank you for checking on me.