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23-04-2024 12:23 PM - edited 23-04-2024 11:42 PM
23-04-2024 12:23 PM - edited 23-04-2024 11:42 PM
Survival on the edge of death with a smile on my face is a torture I’ll never forget
You make me act in a way that is ugly
You make me deceive the ones who truly care
Worst of all you made me believe you could make me happy
All you did was hurt me
I gave you my all
After being left with a shattered heart and a broken soul
You arrived promising me the world
A bullied unloved child needed saving and you were there
I finally didn’t feel alone and afraid but you delivered nothing but pain and struggle
To this day I still don’t know who I am
I am lost inside this hell
I don’t know my identity apart from being the sick girl
You were all I had for so long
You did find me acceptance but from the wrong people
The ones who cared more about the size of my body then my broken soul
As long as I was skinny I was loveable after all
The real ones who cared about my wounds you gave them nothing but difficult
I stupidly followed you and over time convinced myself I was better off dead
You made me believe I was beyond help
I bet you were happy that I had finally relinquished all control and you had complete hold
That was until my team came rushing in desperately trying to fight you when I was weak
The hospital took full rights over my body and that’s a hell I can never tell
They saved my life
It was traumatic and extremely difficult but if they didn’t you would have won
I put up the fight you wanted me too not in the way that would save me but in a way that would save you
After all the only way you win is if I am dead and that’s always been your end goal
I’m starting to see that’s not how I want my story to end
I’ve caught you out on your lies and deceit you are someone I don’t want to be
You manipulated me to manipulate the ones who care in order to protect you
You tried so hard to push them away
I resisted and made it so hard to let them in even though they genuinely cared
You are ruthless
Your goal was to push them all away all along so I’d be left with just you
the way you like it
I’d be left entering my life sentence
Leaving behind the ones who fought to keep me alive
You bullied me
Critiqued me
You made me so insecure
I lost almost everything
You left me as a shell inside of myself
Portraying a fake personality to get through everyday
I started to believe that was the real me
I wore a beaming smile on my face so no one could tell
Deep down I was in so much pain and just wanted my life to end
The struggle was brutal and being close to death and still having to live like nothings wrong is a torture I’ll never forget
After years of beating me down you got me to a point where death is all I wanted
Death screamed freedom
You made me smug and deceiving
You made me lie all to protect you and your lies
My team saw me the real Kelsie
They gave me purpose to fight
They built my self worth and reminded me I was enough
They didn’t care about the size of my body
They just wanted to make sure I was happy and healthy
They saved me not you
I don’t regret my time with you as you have taught me how to slay dragons
You have taught me to live with demons inside my head and still look like nothings wrong
You have shown me I can come face to face with death and survive it
You have given me life skills that will make me unstoppable when I build my strength back again and eventually let you go
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27-04-2024 08:54 PM
27-04-2024 08:54 PM
Re: Survival on the edge of death with a smile on my face is a torture I’ll never forget
Hey @Kelsa, thank you for your post and for sharing your thoughts and poem with the community! It takes courage to share your story and deep emotions about your life and experiences. Take care RiverSeal