Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[strgling]

I am in a relationship with partner who has ptsd. He is receiving help. But over the past few weeks he has become violent towards me on a couple of occasions and had suicidal thoughts.
We have been together for 7 months and up until recently he has been fine. I don't really understand ptsd and what to do when he reacts this way.
I am looking for a support group.
The day after he is angry/agressive he is apologetic. He is such a sweet and gentle man otherwise but right now I feel like walking away from the relationship.

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @strgling,

That sounds really scary and dangerous... when you say violent I assume you mean physically violent? do you have a safety plan for if things escalate? or will you at least call 000?

PTSD can be a very debilitating condition and include lots of symptoms which may not immediately make sense to anyone other than the individual who is struggling, however, I must press that none of these symptoms include violence, violence is not part of PTSD or other mental health issues

Your partner is obviously having an incredibly difficult time and having trouble managing what is happening, the violent behaviours are his way of coping but are not acceptable. Its good to hear that he is accessing support as it is so difficult to do on your own and that you are looking for the same, so welcome to the forums this is a great place to start 

have you had a bit of a look around at other people stories of PTSD? here and here

PTSD basic info SANE number at bottom, ARC also have info and ph No for support groups in your area

does anyone else have any other ideas? @Former-Member @Bradam @SmilingAgain

[Former-Member]

Hi,

I am not an expert however what I would do now is follow my feelings. If there violence I would leave.

It might help to have a look at the cycle of violence or maybe call the domestic violence hotlines.

Please take care of yourself.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @strgling,

You sound like a very caring and forgiving person. It's scarey when someone is violent and abusive towards us. I agree with @Former-Member and @Fancy_Pants - no matter what, regardless of MI or not, abuse is not ok. 

I wonder if you can communicate and set boundaries around what you feel is appropriate? We can set limits on how we wish to be treated. @strgling can you tell what you feel is ok in terms of your partner expressing anger? For instance, in my relationship, I'm ok with my partner getting angry, he can talk about it with me, but it's not ok to yell or call me names. If he ever did this (which he hasn't), I would refuse to talk to him until he could address me in a way that I feel is appropriate.

How are things now with your partner? What are your thoughts about what to do next?