Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[mhsw]

hello, 

i am am interested to know how other carers navigate the challenges of being a long distance carer? 

I arrived in Australia 30 years ago. I have a brother overseas with Bipolar and BPD overlay. My mother has had two open heart surgeries and mobility issues. She used to visit me regularly but that's becoming harder. She also struggles to continue to continue to care for my brother and save him from an endless stream of crises....he made a major attempt on his life two months ago and it was hard to support her through that as there are very limited services for mental illness there. 

I am the only daughter and we are a close family. I am single and have an adult son. I also have a chronic mental illness. 

i now find that I am torn between being here and not being there. I visit them once a year, help out financially only to feel that I am 'doing' something to help.  I ring them or skype almost every day, speak about treatment options, self care.... I feel that what I offer is lip service because I'm not there .., I am considering returning back or an arrangement where I live between the two countries and quit working here altogether??? IT will impact me financially and take me away from the life I have made for myself... 

Long distance caring ring has its own challenges. 

[NikNik]

Hi @mhsw

Welcome to the Forums 🙂 I think there are some common issues and unique issues between living close to the person your caring for and living a distance from the person your caring for.

The support you provide is very similar to what many other carers provide, regardless of distance. The unconditional support, problem solving, financial help and being there for your brother and your mother. You should give yourself a lot of credit for that assistance you provide your family. 

I'm not sure if this will make any difference to the suggestions and support that other carers offer you, but which country are they living in?

Welcome again,

Nik

[NikNik]

Also now that I think about it... there's a fair few carers who have shared that they care for someone in different states and parts of the world. Off the top of my head, I know @PeppiPatty has a son that she cares for in another state.

Peppipatty, do you have any wisdom for @mhsw ?

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @mhsw
Quirky name! How are you? Yes long distance caring is really really difficult. My oldest son lives on the other side of Aistralia and ide dearly LOVE to be living there.
But there is a type of..... bad thinking in this. You are doing enough. The most important thing is yourself. How you are is the most important thing. If you stop your already.... established life.... how is it going to affect you and his relationship ?

[mhsw]

Hi, 

mhsw - mental health social worker - my chosen profession. Love what I do. 

Have given it some thought. Won't be an easy decision. Might try a pilot approach - three months there and three months here (India and Aus)    And see the impact

 I once had the privilege of assisting a woman in palliative care... She taught me the most simple and yet profound way of living - in her death bed.  She said in the final days for some it's darkness for some it's white light ... For some all the cross roads that they've ever encountered ... Flow in a stream ... Reminding them of the series of choices and turns they took in life ... The only comfort we can have is to know that we made an informed choice at each turn and be content with those... No regrets or second thoughts... 

Since then I've almost made that a core value...but this - to rent my home out, leave behind my adorable and well tended garden, my dearest dog and my career... Lot to process... Too many series of cross roads all at once... Thank you for the reply. 

[PeppiPatty]

Wow can you write more on what you learned? I like your decisions that you are making. They suit your culture...... of course I immediately write from a base of how I have grown up