Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Diamond]

Good morning to u all:)
I wanted to wish all the mums happy Mother's Day 🙂
May u all have a grt day and get spoiled a lot and/or spoil urselves:)
Today is the day for all us mums to take a step back let go and relax:)
Njoy everyone mwa

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @Diamond

Happy Mothers Day to you too 🙂

I hope that you do get a chance to step back and relax today!

Take Care 

[Shaz51]

Happy Mother`s day @Diamond, @Fancy_Pants, @Attahua, @Faith-and-Hope, @Lily

Hope you have a nice relaxing Day

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi everyone 😊

Thanks Shaz51

I hope everyone had a decent Mother's Day with more special memories attached to the occasion 💐

We had a turning of the tide.  Husband hadn't spoken to daughter since Friday, and yesterday was the last birthday she will have at home before getting married later this year.  So sad.  She couldn't approach him cos he was emotionally unstable, so it meant waiting it out.  Had a birthday breakfast with her fiancé's family and us.  He sat chatting to everyone else and ignored her completely.  

At the Mother's Day lunch table today they were sitting closer, and she just passed him things down the table, and casually started to chat about this and that, and he responded as though nothing had been wrong, and yesterday hadn't happened.  He knows it did, but it was their way of finding a way to step past it for the moment, and at least resume civilities.

He goes away again tomorrow night, so I expect there will be something said between them before then.  Maybe not, I don't know.  Eggshells.  If they do, I hope it's not another blow-up, but if it is, we have three weeks to get over it at least.

All in all it was a peaceful Mother's Day.  Miss my mum ...

Loving that you guys listen and care.  Thanks heaps 😘 ... 💋

[Diamond]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope 🙂
I never know wat to say to comfort people I'm sooo used to thinking of how to solve the problem/ issue instantly in order to make it better for them instead of just comforting!
My 15 year old daughter taught me this about myself:) I never noticed I did that until she said something! So m learning:)
I think I've been a single mum for way too long sooo used to being in control and jumping to solve the problem straight away!
I read everyone's posts and struggle to find the right words to comfort all of u not lack of care but merely an unlearnt quality:)
I'm glad u had a relaxed Mother's Day:)
As for me we had a sad day with my son:(
He didn't even come out of his room to have breakfast with me even tho I made breakfast and I waited for him:(
When he finally came out he wanted to talk about the church saints etc to feed his ocd!
I asked him to talk about something else he became defensive used his usual robotic language called me a sinner a deceitful person and he went to his room!
I'm trying to do get him to respect 3 house rules:
No eating in the room
Cleaning his room
Be respectful towards me and his sister
But it seems to b a challenge, I barred his phone,
Limited his internet access and soon I will take his car away until he respects what m asking him to do!
He is soooo strong minded it's hard cause I work full time, not sure how this is going to workout!
But for the first time I know I need to stay strong!
Sorry to put a damp on Mother's Day for u guys:(
but I had to let this out:(

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi Diamond 💍

Not a dampener.  Sounds like you have set some boundaries with determination.  All the best with that.  It won't be easy, but I bet it will be worth it to see some changes.

I'm learning too, from everything I'm reading on the forums here.  My husband definitely has an ocd thing underlying his ED and behaviour issues.  I didn't know when he was working long hours for many years that workaholism is an ocd.  Now he has just transferred that into working at his ED with the same intensity.

I think it's natural to want to fix problems, for ourselves and others, and bring comfort that way.  With many things though, it's a process that takes time.  There are often gifts in it too.  If I start counting blessings, I do have some.

It is character-building.  That's not just a cliche.  I am seeing us all struggle individually, and together like a team, and I am proud of us in this achievement.  We are having to practice a lot of patience, and have empathy for each other along the way.  We are learning to recognise our limits and out up boundaries, and that also involves recognising each other's limits and respecting each other's boundaries.

Sometimes you don't realise how strong you can be until it's put to the test.  You also learn to admire the sort of strength developed in other people from struggling with hardship, but being determined not to let anger and bitterness rule them as a consequence.  It took me a long time to realise that anger leads to bitterness if you don't learn to deal with it and let it go in the anger stage.

Thanks for sharing 😊

I'm to bed.💤

[Attahua]

Thanx!!!! Life is slowly getting back on track but we have a way to go yet!!! Hope you all had a lovely Mother's Day too x

[Lily]

Thank you,
My kids gave me a lovely Mother's Day morning with things they had made and an unexpected gift which my eldest must have bought out of her own pocket money which is too sweet.
It's been one of the hardest weekends ever with my husbands illness taking a turn for the worst and him ending up in hospital(though he didn't get a lot of help and was sent home after 24 hrs), keeping up appearances at 2 family functions with just my kids and no husband was so hard, and I have made a decision that I won't be doing that again, and will be open to those close to us from now on, I need people to understand where we're at and that things aren't okay.
On Sunday I saw a rainbow, and for me that was a sign that things are going to get better. Today I saw my husband and he is doing so much better.
I also preyed to God and it's working.

[Diamond]

Hi all hi @Faith-and-Hope
My son had a meal on the dining table tonite instead of his room:) yay grt accomplishment but as he finished he said m never eating here again m eating in my room:(
Which took me to think that m at work full time so unless he is convinced to want to change and do wat is expected or asked of him, he will eat in his room when m at work or not home and m not going to babysit him in order for him to do so!
which takes me to the point of whatever tricks I used or excuses to get him to come out of his room, unless he is convinced and willing to do so, it will always be just the one off and he goes back in again!
Now m confused again????
How do u get someone with poor insight to c how irrational his behavior is????

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi Diamond

I'm not sure what all the answers are.  Maybe it's a matter of living in the moment a little bit, like dealing with someone with short term memory issues.  If you can take it like that, it means you can at least enjoy the time he spent at the table with you eating dinner tonight, even if he responded negatively again afterwards.  

You can cherish all the little successes, like a scrapbook, and revisit them in your mind on more difficult days.

I hope that helps.

✨