Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope 😢😢😢😢😢

[Shaz51]

ohhhhhh my @Faith-and-Hope 

sending you all my hugs and walking with you xxxxx

[Maggie]

Leaving this here for you @Faith-and-Hope . I thought of you while listening to it. 💙💙

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3UR7jxvD5lc

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️  Thank you @Maggie  ... that’s beautiful, and just as beautiful that you thought to share it with me here.

[Former-Member]

It is indeed beautiful @Maggie , and I too thank you for sharing it with @Faith-and-Hope . 

I am sadly and (sometimes) angrily following along with whats been happening in your life @Faith-and-Hope  both here and on your Far and Away thread.  Some of it is too close to home for my comfort, but I am sitting with you when I can. And grateful the WH has now allowed you to see him for what he is, now that the mask has slipped. Soon you will be free of him and able to live a life of your own choosing. The bd's will be fine, because they have you. 

Sherry

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you so much @Former-Member .  I am aware that some of this will grate on raw nerves for you too, so that makes it extra special that you choose to sit with me when you can.

At the moment I can’t envision a time when I will be free of him, because he is not only claiming visitation rights over our disabled one, he is also trying to establish himself as the primary care-giver of her and our youngest two who have mi issues and are thus still viewed as dependents, claiming that my studies have resulted in me abandoning the care of my family.   Grrrrr ..... this is gonna be messy.

[Smc]

@Faith-and-Hope, a lot of this mirrors what we've seen with our NPD "ex-friend". 

With the children in common between you, unless something amazing happens to set him right, you will continue to have him as part of your life, whether that's wanted or not.

Horrible practicality- I'm hoping you've got sufficient financial means for the long and messy legal situation that I can hear brewing. It sounds worryingly as if that is also currently also a subject of legitimate legal dispute (i.e. you'll have to fight to get your fair share).

And on the more personal level, make sure you've got some good honest friends around you who can realistically reflect who you are when Mr. tries to paint you as a mess... That part of the process seems to already be underway, and ooooh, it's a nasty place to be.

Lots of love, take care. Keep your heart and mind in a safe place.

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope  In the background here too

Hoping you are getting good legal advise and have a solicitor that is experienced in dealing with the likes of WH. If in any way you in any way feel threatened or if you feel that he is keeping you under surveillance there is recourse you can take.

http://www.dvrcv.org.au/knowledge-centre/legal-protection-safety/legal-guides

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you so much @Smc @Former-Member  ..... highly valued advice from both of you.

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Smc I didn’t respond directly to this part of your comment before, but yes, the history of our relationship reflects an NPD pattern, which becomes most obvious with what is referred to as “the discard stage”, not only the circumstances under which that occurs, but also the removing of the mask they were deceiving you with, with no empathy or remorse - in fact drawing pleasure from your shock and distress as they reveal quite callously that they are not the person they had pursuaded you to believe they were, and you had remained invested in for a long length of time.

The “change in personality and value system” is in fact a stepping out, a reveal, and it is usually done with a new person in place as their primary fuel source, to replace you, which fits our scenario also.

The other behaviours we are witnessing all over the place now are just ticking more boxes.